The curse of the generalist

Jack of all trades, master of none?
Lazy?
Doesn't finish what she starts?
I am only faking when I get it right....

On the cusp of changing majors (one...last...time) at the age of 41, I wonder if I am cut out
1) to grow up, or
2) to be something if I do grow up.

My second time in a graduate program (first time philosophy, this time chemistry) I am again becoming claustrophobic at the specialization required. I tend to forget a lot of what I learn, and despite it seeming like this would favor specialization (fine tuning, deeper understanding) instead I feel like I'm never comfortable enough with the material. It seems I don't know what I should for a person in my position. I keep hoping this is due to some inherent mismatch with the narrowly focused situation I find myself in, and that a simple shift to this *much more interesting* field will at last be the place where I am driven and will shine. I dread that the truth is closer to "this is getting too hard" and the "much more interesting" field is really only attractive because the introductory material is easy, and it will soon devolve into the same situation in which I find myself currently mired. Because when you feel cornered, lots of escape options seem viable when they are really just escapist.

More to come,
Cheers,
Audrey