In Transition

I have learned a tidbit about myself from my 10 year old son. He has always had a fear of the unpredictable. He hates to watch movies that he hasn't seen before (a catch-22 right there), especially in a theater. A movie often intentionally intensifies a story, a feature that appeals to many but for Will just makes it worse. In a dark theater (from which you can't escape, at age 10 or younger you don't just get up and leave your parents and go into the hall for a breather) things happen (too) loudly and suddenly. Frequently there are implied bad turns of event which are eventually (and predictably, to adults) resolved (oh, look he's not really dead). It makes sense that this experience would be unpalatable to some.

To me, his feelings about movies elucidate a more general problem he has, and which I share. A difficulty with transitions. This may range from the small-scale (time quit playing on the computer and get ready for bed) to larger transitions like the end of a weekend at his dad's house, or the beginning of Christmas break. At these points he's wound up, emotional and easily upset. And finally it makes sense, on vacation, the predictability of the day-to-day routine has gone. You never know when it is going to be okay to play on the computer, whether the adults are going to be upset if you ask again if *now* is that time, or if you are going to be told to put on your coat because we are going to so-and-so's house for lunch (and what will they expect you to eat?)

For my part, I also have trouble with transition. Mine takes the form of hating an unmade necessary decision. There are plenty of times when a decision is not really necessary (should we get a new computer?) , and those can go unmade. But when a decision will affect my day-to-day or even hour-to-hour activities, I need it to get made. I sympathize with Will on the not-knowing-when-(or -what)-lunch-will-be front. I mean, if we are having a turkey sandwich at home at 1 pm, then I can have a coffee and a cookie at 10:30, but if we are going to a buffet at 11:30, I don't want to do that. And, are we going on a bike ride today? Or should I just go running now, or take a shower. Most of the time I can handle these small-scale decision holes either by imposing my will on others or letting it slide. But I get severely stressed when those major decisions come up and resist getting made for whatever reason (more consideration required, third party input required, etc). I mean, if I'm trying to decide whether to take a master's thesis project in Geography instead of in Chemistry, I don't really want to be jumping through Chemistry hoops and doing work that has no use to me... I want the decision made so the energy that is currently going into the decision can be put to work on the decided course of action. Once the decision is made, there is a different sort of transition, but it seems to me to have a clear path through it.

May your decisions get made and your transitions be suitably structured.
Cheers,
Audrey